Forgiving those that have done us wrong is never an easy thing to do ~ I know this firsthand. However, it is a very necessary step towards freeing oneself from the burden of pain and trauma. In my case it helped me heal.
Forgiving doesn’t mean that you must embrace those that have wronged you, back into your life, it simply means that you shift the responsibility and guilt for what they did back on to them, by releasing all your hard feelings towards them. For me, forgiveness meant working through some super tough things and having some even harder conversations with those who I felt hurt me.
It’s not your job to put them in their place, life itself will handle that for you. Your job is to heal yourself and come out stronger from any difficult situation. AND as difficult as forgiving others may be, it pales in comparison to forgiving oneself for one’s own shame and guilt. Do not let the weight of non-forgiveness wear you down. The self-destructive behavior that we see in society today; be it alcohol and drug abuse, or promiscuity, gambling, porn, addiction or food disorders, often stem from feelings of guilt and shame from past emotional trauma. Please work through this or it will make you physically ill.
The longer the negative behavior goes on, the harder it becomes to forgive oneself for it and so the downward spiral goes, cementing the feelings of self loathe and unworthiness. These unresolved, unspoken, unforgiven feelings, slowly eat away at people from the inside until they feel they are so undeserving of anything good and positive that they consciously or subconsciously, embark on a journey of self-destruction. This is exactly what happened to me. I began to feel UNWORTHY. It was my psychological mantra, the program I ran on since childhood.
Such deeply ingrained beliefs about oneself are not easy to overcome, they usually stem from a traumatic experience that still needs to be pulled out, analyzed, accepted, forgiven and ultimately thrown away.
Remember, you are NOT what happened to you, you are what you choose to make of it, and you are worthy, we all are and we all have the chance to redeem ourselves. Don’t sit in it anymore! When trauma happens early on in life it’s simply not possible to process it in a manner that doesn’t harm us but it’s never too late to turn things around and come out of the dark place you may be in.
You will be surprised at how many people will be willing to help you if you just take the first step and dare to speak about your feelings. My healing process began with forgiveness! It was an amazing process when I learned to do the difficult work. To this day, amazing people continue to show up in my life and guide me in the direction I need to go. The healing continues!
You are not alone, you are not the only one in pain, you are not unworthy, you simply have not yet drummed up the courage to speak your truth. Let it out, no matter how dark it may be, no matter how many people around you it affects, you have to let it go by facing all its ugliness. Purge yourself from the poison that is festering inside of you, for not only is it killing you, it’s harming those who love you and don’t want to witness your self-destruction.
Remember, it’s never too late, life is always giving you the chance to take a step in a better direction and God is patiently waiting for you to do so…